Evaluation Sucks

Today was not unlike any other day. Today, though, carried with it an interesting evening that truly left me reeling. You'll see. There's a lot on my mind. . .

I woke up too late to go with the family to church this morning. I was only marginally disappointed. I was tired anyway, so I was partially afraid that I'd fall asleep during said service. So, instead, I worked on my Math homework for Tuesday and watched some football (Week 1 everyone!) comfortably in my recliner. The family got home around noon with lunch from our favorite Mexican restaurant CASITA LOPEZ. We ate and then soon after that it was time for me to go meet a couple friends at the movies.

It turned out that it was only my friend Justin and I that would enjoy the movies today. We saw TRANSPORTER 2, a great sequel to a great action movie. Let me say this: The movie sucked. Awful acting, (except for Jason Statham, the Transporter himself, who I would watch as Alice in Alice in Wonderland cuz he is so dang cool) not-so-great plot, completely impossible stunts, and a dialogue that was just ridiculous. BUT, the movie rocked my socks! Statham is just the coolest guy to appear in movies, maybe ever. I say he (and specifically this character of Frank Martin) is cooler than James Bond. 'Nuff said. The action sequences, though a little iffy on the fathomable scale, are just so awesome, that I could care less. Great all-around-film (just cuz it's fun, a B+ on the scale) and I would beg you to go treat yourself to 90 minutes of fun. Do it.

Afterwards, Justin came back to hang for an hour and a half. We did some online stuff, and just chatted about some random things. He left and I didn't have much to do until 600 when the weekly poker game was gonna happen. I went and picked up my buddy Cy, and we headed to the game. It was at a woman's house that it had never been before, thus there were new players tonight. A big group of people (eight) were gonna play, and I was excited, cuz most of 'em didn't know much about poker, except for me, Cy, and two others. Free money, y'all! The only problem is that luck plays a large role in poker - OK, so there is SOME skill involved. Trust me. But there is quite a bit of luck involved. This i KNOW - and it sucks when novices win because of it. I finished in 4th out of 8, and gladly, as I really just wanted to get home.

I was frustrated, though, because I was shown how annoyed I get at people in general. I really don't like people. Period. It's an issue that I'm not really working on, but probably should, and yet and still, I don't. Apparently, I show that I'm frustrated, annoyed, or just plain pissed off when I actually am. Turns out, I'm not "FAKE". It was so bad tonight, that my confidant and poker bud next to me called me a most unfortunate name (donkey + 2 halves; get it?). This actually annoyed me, cuz I like when those I know support me. Guess that always doesn't happen. I know I probably sound childish, but you know what, I am a certain way. People may not GET this, but it's just me, and I'm not changing for some "know-it-all" with flashier techniques and chips. In my opinion, Mr. Know-it-All-who-has-never-played-with-this-group-and-is-trying-to-take-it-over-with-flash-and-intellect-and-self-proclaimed-excellence can go screw himself. But that's just me.

So, on my way home, I got to thinking. Am I gonna be alone always? Sure, I'll have Heather. This I do not doubt. But, will I have friends who I can call when I'm in trouble? My motto for as long as I can remember has been "I don't care if people don't like me" and I mean it. If you don't like me, it doesn't mean anything to me. My worry, now, is that people are picking up on this, and figuring that they'll do me a service and not like me. I would hate to think that I'm THAT tough to be around. Maybe people just can't deal with my criticism (never correcting, though - I hate that) and sarcasm. Maybe I'm just too cynical. Maybe I've been watching too many different shows and such with people like this, and have been adopting habits. These are all possible, but I think that I am truly my own person. I see things as they are. I'm real. I'm observant. I speak my mind (but not all the time - my tongue has teeth marks in it) and I really don't care what you think. Maybe I should. Who knows? Maybe this is just an 18-year-old's issue, and I'm not the only one considering this. Needless to say, when I evaluate myself, I usually figure that a majority could be right (though not always) and maybe I am just that difficult. Part of me really wants to not care, and that's the part that usually wins. I'm not changing who I am anytime soon, but it's definitely cause for concern.

Whew. That's a lot to unload. These are just a few of the issues that cloud my mind on a day like today. I am truly never at a loss for thoughts.

Another week is about to begin, and a busy week it will probably be. Hang tough throughout the week. Remember that the weekend grows a day closer everyday. That's logic ladies and gentlemen!

Sleep good and I'll talk at ya again tomorrow. Same Bat time. Same Bat channel.

- - - "I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
Where they’re far more suited than here"

- - - "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie

Night,

JUSTIN