One-Fiftieth Of the Way

(Take notice of the posting time. .)

Hello my fellow journeymen (and journeywomen). Welcome once again to the blog of Justin Gott. Normally there would be a long blog with updates on all aspects of my life as this is supposed to be another edition of THE WEEKEND GRAB-BAG. Well, plans change. I've noticed this more and more as time goes by. Nothing can really be planned. Hope takes the place of plans and that hope causes uncertainty. Exhaustion, frustration, and sadness usually accompany uncertainty. Well folks, I am indeed exhausted, frustrated, and sad. And here is why. . .

It's late on a Monday night and I can't sleep. I miss Heather today more than I did yesterday and I am willing to bet that it'll be worse tomorrow. I miss her companionship. I miss having an available hug at any moment. I miss her being in the next room when I walk away and the pleasant knowledge that when I come back, she'll be there. I miss her smile, which truly does light up the whole room. I miss the laugh of hers (there are a few variations) when I really make her laugh and she's not just giving me a pity laugh. I miss her beating me at MARIO KART. I miss her hand intertwined with mine. I miss cracking her back (very chiropractor-like) when she asks - all it takes is a big hug. I miss her singing along to the MOULIN ROUGE soudntrack, especially the song "Come What May". I am in a constant state of pining (and yes Cy, it is a word - spoken as in the pine tree - it means "to long for something immensely") because she is in THE LB and I am here in lonely Lancaster. And why am I making such a big deal tonight? Well, in 13 minutes (it's 2347 right now) we will have been together for 2 years. In the grand scheme of things, I know that 2 years is but a snap of the fingers, but it sure does have lasting moments within it. I'll never forget the first time I held her hand, (in Mexico, two years ago today) giving the excuse that I was "warming up her cold hands". I'll always remember the time at City Walk, where I got violently sick (that story is known worldwide by know, I swear) just because I was so nervous to be walking around with such a beautiful girl. The memory of our first kiss (my first kiss too) will never leave me: the uncertainty, the excitement following, and the frantic way my mind raced, hoping that I was ok at it. I will never forget our disagreements, our accomplishments, or any of the countless times we've watched AUSTIN POWERS together - being with never gets old. And now we're heading into the future together. It's only been 2 years, but we're going on fifty times that. And I have no uncertainty about that. Miss Heather Lynn Acuff is my partner for life and one day (I can't wait) that will be solidified. But not yet. And that's what sucks - - Happy Anniversary Honeybunny (it's right now; this second)

I try to spend my time doing as much as I possibly can to not have to dwell on the thought of missing Heather. This usually means work, which is where I spend a majority of my time. This past week, I put in 35 hours at JOHNNY CARINO'S and that's a lot for a full-time (by the unit-count) student. Thus, I'm a bit behind in my schoolwork, but nothing that a couple late nights can't cover. But then again, when does sleep come in? Me being in the place where dreams live is a rather rare occurrence. Sure, I spend time doing useless activities when I should be sleeping (hmmm, let me think of one real quickly. . ) but you know, it's how I live. I am the QUINTESSENTIAL COLLEGE STUDENT. I work. I play (a little). I sulk. I struggle. I tire. I laugh. I cry. And above all, I do it all to pave the way for a future that I only hope can be as rewarding as I truly want it to be.

Life is difficult and challenging. And I'm not even 19. Am I a complainer? No, not really. I'm just Average Joe, looking for answers and hoping that they are what he wants them to be. Nothing wrong with that, I spose. Clarity come quickly. You're a quite sought after feeling, clarity. May I find you in due time. O how nice that sounds indeed. . .

Goodnight folks - I have homework still to complete and maybe the biggest chore of the night still lies in front of me: sleeping. We'll see how that pans out. I have a busy Tuesday ahead of me and I just have to move through it at breakneck speed. Here's hoping (we hope a lot now, don't we?) that it's smooth sailing. And remember, tomorrow is gonna be yesterday in just a little bit. . .

- - - "You are my smile. My laugh. My tear.
You are the ship to my sea.
When you are anywhere but here,
All I want is to have you next to me.
I know it's selfish to want you so close.
I am jealous when others have your attention.
In a crowded room, I cannot help but boast:
We are objects of each other's affection!"

- - - Justin Gott to Heather Acuff (May 2004)