Your Perception is Your Reality

Well today was just plain odd and, overall, it sucked. I had a lame night. Here is why my internet readers. . .

Well I woke up at 1100 despite truly wanting to wake up earlier. In a few short hours I was able to complete my take-home, open-book final for Philosophy (no, it could not get any easier) and the philosopher study for my oral presentation tomorrow (on existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre). I had lunch while watching AROUND THE HORN and PARDON THE INTERRUPTION (from now on they will be referred to as ATH and PTI k?) on ESPN. Afterwards, I had a choice: Video games for an hour or begin my last Philosophy paper. I made the right decision, getting about a third of the way thru my paper.

Then it was time to get ready for work. I usually don't work on Mondays, but I was covering for someone, as I am desperate for hours. This is where my day turned sour. We were not all that busy, per se'. We just had A LOT of big parties. I counted up to six parties of EIGHT, three parties of TEN OR MORE, and another half dozen or more SIXES and SEVENS. It was kinda crazy but nothing me and my co-host Jacque couldn't handle (she is the second best host on staff, behind another girl, Lacey - I am a close third for humility's sake). Early on in the evening, a server came up complaining about something I won't get into. Either way, I was at the center of the controversy. I told her bluntly to calm down, as I didn't want a scene at the host stand. She left disgruntled and apparently told our manager that I was being a big bad host and hurt her feelings. SO, they called me in and decided to discuss with me for twenty minutes or so my pros and cons. They told me I'm effective and efficient, but that is also my weakness. Apparently, in my race to be a good host, I'm becoming a bad host. My general manager compared me to a cattle driver in relation to how I deal with guests. Well, from my vantage point, that is the only way to be productive when you have no less than 30 people in a cramped foyer. With the impending winter causing very cold evenings, more and more people are entering our lobby to wait. This is a problem folks. Straight up. My GM is gonna have to choose between "efficiency" and "niceity"

Well we ended up laughing by the end of our discussion and I was left with this pearl of wisdom from the big GM: "Your perception is your reality". Thanks, but no thanks. But this is the issue. You see, I am apparently the most misunderstood person out there on the planet, I swear. People just don't get me. If I truly am the way people perceive me then I am going to Hell in a handbasket. I considered this on my way home. If I veered off the freeway and freefalled to eternity, where would I go and who would really care? NOW, please hear me! I am not suicidal or any of that bullshit (suicide is THE most selfish action ever). I was just taking in the words of those around me and applying their apparent meanings. This is my perception.

You see, about 15 minutes before we closed and I was free to go home, I was again called back to the office. Surprised, I ventured back there, curious about the topic of discussion. Turns out, I didn't have to use my imagination. Apparently, a woman had called our managers and complained about my rudeness AFTER she got home. People only complain to managers about hosts. We never get complimented. It's a lose-lose situation. Well since we had just gone over my issues a few hours prior to the incident, I had to be written up. The woman claimed that I huffed at them (they were maybe the sixth party of eight in less than an hour) and said that they just had to wait. Well what actually happened was that I claimed that I was unaware of any tables available. I would go check for them real quickly and then get back to them on their wait. THEY huffed at ME and asked how long they would have to wait. I again told them to give me a second to check, maybe a little frustrated at their peevishness. I checked and I was able to get them to a table in just under 5 minutes. A miracle! No, they were just fortunate that it was a relatively slow Monday night. Who has the cajones to act huffy with a party of 8 at 1900 when told they may have to wait a whole 20 minutes??!!?? This was ridiculous. Well, I am perceived incorrectly, because I was as nice as I could have been. I was tingly (I kid you not) after the meeting with the 2 managers cuz I was so conscious about my every word and action. Well the woman claimed that I was rude and that this was the third such incident that they've had with me. I don't even remember having three issues period! So, they had to write me up cuz they had just talked to me. This time they were not laughing.

As I held the door for one of the last people to leave, I noticed that the outside door kept slamming shut like it usually does. I could not miss the figurative metaphor at my fingertips. The door to my promotion to CURBSIDE was slamming shut as I stood there, and I could see it, and it sucked. I left work grim and majorly pissed off. Maybe I shouldn't have covered that shift. .

So, if "your perception is your reality" then I am officially the most screwed person that I know. I have this demeanor about me that apparently says "Up yours" and never "I care". I truly am (and hate being) fake at work. I hate gritting my teeth and telling a complete ignoramous that they're right, when they are o so very wrong. It sucks. And, to add to all of this, the extra mile that I need to go to be successful here at JC (you see, I am "efficient" and "effective" - a good host - I just lack the "niceity" required even though I feel that I give it) is the public's perception of me. You see? As the French would say, I am "le screwed"! I am left to wonder if the only place for me in this world is by myself away from everybody, since I cannot get along with the public (apparently). I texted Heather to get away from me while she still had a chance to get out from under the spell I've put her under. Obviously exaggerating, I still have a point. I can't believe that any girl would accept me, and this amazing one has. Thanks Heather for sticking with me. We're in it for the long haul (you must cuz you've lasted this long ha ha) and I can't wait to be with you forever. That is, if you'll still have me, good ol' Mr. Misunderstood. . .

So I came home and vented to my parents for a good hour and a half and then began this thingy here. Now I have to finish my Philosophy paper and then check my sister's Math homework. I'll be up til past 0200 cuz it's almost 0100 as it is. Dangit. One more week of school. Thank God on that one. A blessing!

Ok, so I know that I said I would do December entertainment today, but can I have one more day? Please???? Well I'm giving myself an extension. Thanks though.

So I'm tired, but we gotta finish what we start. On to Philosophy - -

O yeah, for those of you interested, the teaser trailer for X-MEN 3 (due out May 26, 2006) came online today. It will be in theatres with KING KONG, but you folks can view it via my site here: http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/x3/ - I think it now has promise. I was in serious doubt about this film (no NIGHTCRAWLER in this one) but it might be ok. We'll see. Kelsey Grammar (yes, THAT Kelsey Grammar is BEAST - the blue, hairy mutant for those of you who don't know) actually looks pretty cool as does the character of ANGEL. We'll see. . .

Goodnight evil planet - O how you screw with my mind

- - - "A thousand 'attaboys' go away with one screw up."
- - - My GM Charlie's lesson from the Navy - How screwed am I!

Steaming,

JUSTIN